Taking responsibility for YOU... My end of 2018 article.

I woke up this morning and knew that today was the day that I had to do my end of year article.  You see, for the past 2 weeks, I have been waiting for ‘that day’. Whenever I write a blog, I need to feel ‘that’ feeling.  It’s difficult to describe, but I guess you could say, I need to wait for a moment to hit me. This morning, when I was walking my children to School, that moment hit me.

I looked up at the Sky, and the Sun was rising.  WOW, what an incredible array of colours. I watched as my Boys, were riding their bike up the hill.  It was freezing cold, but I stopped to breathe in the moment.  As I looked at the colours forming around the clouds, I looked at the trees, the grass, and the birds.  This is something I don’t do nearly enough of, and something I never did prior to this year.  I took for granted the abundance that surrounded me.

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Does anyone else do that?  Walk through life, being caught up in the things we cannot control? The person that cuts us up on the road? The person who walks in to us, and doesn’t apologise? The annoying person at work? The person on Instagram who looks INCREDIBLE, and appears to have the ‘Perfect Life’?  If only we didn’t care right?

I will never sit here and say that I have my shit together every day.  Let’s get real, we have been hard wired most of our lives, so it takes time to form new and lasting healthy habits.  We are only human.  Do I lose my shit? YES, Do I compare? YES…sometimes I do. Do I moan about things that really don’t matter?  YES.  So, what makes me happier now despite these things?

There are 3 answers to that – Self Love & Acceptance, Gratitude, and Forgiveness.

Self-Love/Acceptance – I love myself.  I love myself more than I have ever loved myself before. I look in the mirror, and even though I don’t see Abby Clancy staring back at me, I LOVE MYSELF.  I love my eyes, even when they are tired, and puffy and small… Why?  Because I can see everything around me.  The world I live in, the incredible colours. The places I travel to, the family time, the walks to School with my Children. Walking in to my Boys bedrooms every night and watching their wee faces as they sleep.  

I love my body.  This gift I am so grateful for.  I get out of bed every morning and am so grateful to my body for being resilient enough to come back from the hammering I give it either at the gym, or when I’m not taking care of it, by fuelling it with too many jaegarbombs on a night out. I feel shit for 2 days, and my body is so incredible that it rejuvenates repeatedly. Sometimes all we see when we look at our bodies is either ‘too fat or too thin’ We don’t stop to really appreciate there’s so much more to our bodies than the weight we carry. The vital organs that we have, that help us survive each day. 

Am I as intelligent as some others? NOPE, Did I get a master’s degree or a PHD? No, I did not, but I am me… and there is only one ME!  I accept that I am not perfect.  I accept that I still get angry, but guess what? I deeply love and accept myself.

Gratitude – We have all heard of that expression ‘There’s always someone worse off’ right? Isn’t that the truth?  Or how about this one… ‘You are the creator of your reality’ If I’m honest, it’s only the past 9 months that I really understood the true meaning of that, and I couldn’t agree more.   First, can I caveat that statement by saying, I am not saying that the horrific and tragic things that happen to people are in any way down to them.  What I mean by that is, when we find ourselves in toxic relationships with partners or friends or stuck in a situation that we feel like we can’t get out of or the same patterns keep repeating themselves over and over, we need to take responsibility for what is happening, and what we have created ourselves. It’s no one else’s responsibility to make us feel good, to get us out of the shit situation we have found ourselves in again…That one’s on us. I know this to be true, because for years, I was unhappy at work.  I used to blame others for things that went wrong. It then affected my home life.  I didn’t sleep, I used to feel anxious, all the while ‘blaming’ my work.  Was it a difficult environment?  Yes, it absolutely was. Did I ask to be treated that way, or spoke to like shit? No, I did not. So why was I the creator of that reality? 

The answer was simple… I didn’t love and respect myself enough to do something about it. I …as in ‘ME’ I had allowed it to get to a point where I lost so much confidence in myself.  Not only did I think I was the worst person at my job, I also didn’t like the person I had become when I looked in the mirror.  Why? Because I WAS NOT BEING TRUE TO MYSELF! I was too busy trying to live up to someone else’s expectations of who I thought they thought I should be.

1 in 400 trillion! That’s the chances of you being born, to the parents you were born to with the unique DNA you have, and we are too busy trying to live up to what we perceive to be someone’s expectations of us.  The truth is, it really doesn’t matter what they think, it only matters what we feel.  What they think of us is none of our business.

Be so grateful every day, that no matter what you’ve done, how you’ve lived, and what mistakes you have made, every night when you go to sleep the clock resets.  You open your eyes every morning, and you have a brand-new day, a chance to start again, a chance to begin again. The Sky doesn’t know what happened yesterday, what you said, or did.  It’s a new day, and the incredible thing is, that you get to start again.  You choose how you would like your day to be. So many people will never have that choice, so choose wisely.

Forgiveness – Ahhh good old forgiveness.  We do it a lot, forgive people for their wrong doings. But are you as forgiving with yourself? For me, this was a game changer.  Who knew that we were capable of so much ‘self-sabotage’? Who, reading this has messed up before?  Who reading this, if they’re honest has messed up BIG TIME, but barely admits it to themselves, because they’d rather push it out of their mind, as the guilt of what they have done is to bad to think about?

It doesn’t matter.  Seriously, it doesn’t matter.  LET IT GO!!  We are human, we get to F up!  It’s part of life.  So, when you ‘think you’ve dealt with it’, you really haven’t.  All you’ve done is push it deep in to the back of your mind.  In fact, you probably don’t think about it as much, and don’t feel like it consumes you anymore, when the truth is, it shows up in other aspects of your life.  Your subconscious mind is holding on to that shit.  My advice, feel it, label it and forgive yourself.  It’s the only way that you will be truly free.  You made a mistake, you got it wrong, or you messed up? And what? Are you going to let this impact your life for another 12 months? Why would you?  How can that possibly serve you?  Because you feel you should? You don’t deserve to be truly happy on the back of a mistake you made?  Can you see how that expression ‘You are the creator of your reality’ works here?

Allow yourself to feel the feelings, then allow forgiveness.  No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes.  It’s only a mistake when you don’t learn from it.  Have you learned from it? If the answer is yes, then FORGIVE YOURSELF, and live the life you deserve. 

We all have bad days, but a bad day does not constitute a bad life. You are in charge of that.  We all lose our shit, and say or do things we don’t mean, but punishing yourself or others only robs you of happiness today.  The only guarantee you have in life, is this day, so forgive them, forgive yourself, and live your life.

As 2018 comes to an end, I’d like you to think about what you want 2019 to look like. Will it be different from 2018?  Do you have a plan? If not, that’s OK.  We don’t always need a plan. The only thing we should hope for is Self-Love, Self-Acceptance, Gratitude & Forgiveness.  If we nail these things, then we will be living in abundance.

However you decide to end 2018 and bring in 2019, have a think about the 1st of January being full of new and incredible opportunities, where you get to choose. You are not always in control of what happens to you, but you are in control of how you deal with life. Choose to put yourself first. Choose to take a few deep breaths before reacting to a situation. Choose your circle, and decide if those people who have stopped adding value to your life, really deserve your time, and energy. If they do, then OK, but choose to not let their unkind words or negativity impact you. Choose to stop seeing things as failure, and instead choose to see them as opportunities to learn and grow. Choose to step out of your comfort zone, and not let the fear of ‘what others will think of you’ stop you from really living. Choose to practice self love and care every day.

You have 1 life, choose YOU!!

Jill x