Self Love - Selfish or Smart?!

Self Love… Wow, where do I even start with this statement.  If I’m completely honest, I never really knew what Self Love was until this year. 

Why is it that when we are kids, we are made to feel like a priority by our parents, yet, as we get older, we become last on the priority list.

The shift completely changes to us taking not only a back seat, but more like the back seat of a giant tour bus in terms of ‘priority’.  We rush around trying to be ‘Super Woman’, working, seeing to the kids, making the dinner, doing shit around the house, and the minute we drop the ball on 1 of those things… BOOM self-sabotage kicks in, and we give ourselves such a hard time.  We put ourselves down, beat ourselves up, telling ourselves that ‘we are nothing special, and we don’t really deserve to live that level 10 life’

Ring any bells?

It suddenly becomes uncomfortable for you to say things like ‘I’m a priority’ ‘I love myself’ or ‘I’m going to invest in myself’

Oh my God, would you ever come out with that statement?  I know up until this year, I never would have.  It was almost like if you ever made a statement like that, you were looked at as though you were a complete weirdo, and dare I say the word ‘selfish’?

‘She loves herself’!  We hear that phrase a lot…. Like it’s a BAD THING?

We tell our kids, they’re special, beautiful and important, but never tell ourselves the same thing.  Instead, we are made to feel like complete arse holes for being confident around how we look, our abilities at work, or our self-worth? So, when someone makes an unkind comment, or puts us down, we stop with the self-praise, self-love, and we swap it for mediocracy.  It’s safer there right?!

MIND v’s MATERIAL

Here is what I know to be true….

Investing in myself this year, aside from having my kids has probably been the best thing I’ve ever done.  FACT!

When I signed up to become a Life Coach, I remember worrying sick about spending that kind of money on myself.  Sure, I’d spent a lot of money on material things, but NEVER on what was on the inside as apposed to the outside.  I procrastonanted over it for a long time.  How could I justify spending that amount of cash on myself?  OK, I’d spent a lot of money on handbags and shoes before, but this was different.  There was nothing tangible at the end of it, and what would people think of me? What would they say?

I knew that I wanted that Level 10 life though, and was willing to put the work in, but that didn’t stop me worrying about the money I was spending on ‘me’

So many of us spend copious amounts of money on expensive handbags, and shoes, but let’s face it, we NEVER feel as good wearing them 2nd time around do we?  We never really get that same buzz.  Sure, we love the way they look on us, but that’s only short term, and when we have shit going on in our heads, those thoughts and feelings are still there, when the shoes are off.  So why, when we feel shit do we go and spend money on the ‘material’ things as apposed to the inner work.

It’s like sprinkling unicorn glitter over shit… OK, on the surface it looks good, but the shit is still there, and it’s going nowhere until we do the inner work… which by the way IS FREE!! Go figure.

So much of the inner work I do costs me nothing, but I have chosen to invest in a Business Coach & Life Coach anyway.  I did this because, for me, it’s not selfish, it’s smart.  I’ll admit I still love a nice handbag, of course I do, but I can honesty say that if it were a choice of a Mulberry handbag or being able to silence the ego and live my best life, I’d choose the inner work every single time.

This is the best gift I can give to my family and friends.  If I had not invested in myself and worked on what was on the inside, I’d still be waking up at 3 or 4am every morning, with a racing heart, and a self-worth of around zero.

The truth is, it all comes from Self Love.  Self-discipline IS Self-Love.  Had I not been disciplined and invested in myself, I wouldn’t be able to do all of the things that make me and family really happy. They now get best version of me.

OK, I still get pissed off at situations, but I’m able to recognise thoughts for what they are… thoughts.  I still pinch myself every day when I realise that I’m now doing something I love.  I get to take my kids to school every day.  I get to do something I never dreamed I could before.  All of this came from ‘Self Love’

The only thing stopping you right now from doing the same is… guess what YOU, and what you have told yourself for the last however many years.  This may come as a shock, but it is no one else’s responsibility to make you feel better.  That’s on you.

Let’s just call this one out so we are crystal clear….   LOVING YOURSELF IS NOT SELFISH, IT’S PROBABLY THE BEST THING YOU WILL EVER DO.

Think about it, who doesn’t want to live a 10/10 life? I’ve never met anyone who would say…. ‘Nah, I’m good with 6/10 thanks, you keep your level 10’

If you are living your level 10 life, then, guess what… EVERYONE, and EVERYTHING around you reaps the benefits.

Start making yourself a priority, and get the inner work done.

That’s not selfish, that’s just smart.

Love & Gratitude,

Jill x